It seems to me I have considered myself tough. I had an ‘I can take on the world’ attitude, which in some respects has meant I’ve seen successes and yet more recently my body has told me it needs a break.
I would never have thought I’d be susceptible to a stroke though.
And yet that’s what happened.
In fact – I’ve had two in three weeks.
Thankfully I’ve made good recoveries from both and there appears to be no permanent damage. At least not on the scans.
I feel damaged though. I feel fragile and that frightens me.
I am unable to do much for myself currently and I find that I’m reliant on others for help. This I find the biggest challenge of all. It means giving up the ‘I can take on the world’ front and accepting it for what it was – a facade.
I am tough, but I’m learning the toughest people have to be fragile too. It is ok to need help, ok to admit I can’t at the moment and ok to allow myself to rest.
It’s in this fragile state that I’m learning to dig into new reserves of strength I didn’t know I had.
My faith had been tested, I could have gone down the ‘why me?’ path or given up completely. Instead I’m holding on. Holding on to the promises that God gave me at the start of my journey.
I know that in my weakness He is strong and if that means I’m fragile for a while then I’m happy to be so.